Pasco County Raises Legal Meth Smoking Age to 21
NEW PORT RICHEY, FL – Pasco officials are clearing the smoke on the legal meth age in Pasco, making it higher than ever before. On […]
Articles by The Pasco Pelican
New Moon Lake Splash Pad to Feature 2 Sprinklers and Port-O-Potty
MOON LAKE, FL – A brand new splash pad playground is coming to the Moon Lake community. According to county documents, the Pasco Board of […]
Gulf High Students Protest Climate Change by Skipping Class, Smoking Pot
NEW PORT RICHEY, FL – Students at Gulf High School are taking the high ground on climate change. According to reports, decades of haphazard truancy […]
Pasco Students First in World to Dissect Hopes, Dreams of Future Success
NEW PORT RICHEY, FL – Save a frog, dissect dreams. Students at Mitchell High School in New Port Richey have become the first students in […]
Pasco’s Elderly in Total Disarray after Bilirakis Butt-Dial
NEW PORT RICHEY, FL – After Congressman Gus Bilirakis mistakenly butt-dialed all registered voters in Pasco on Tuesday, many elderly citizens reportedly were thrown into […]
Officials to Begin Slowly, Painfully Dissolving Port Richey with Acidic Chemtrails
PORT RICHEY, FL – Pasco lawmakers have approved a measure to officially begin dissolving the City of Port Richey via highly-acidic aerial dousings. The action, […]
Legislators Disappointed to Learn Dissolving Port Richey Will Not Eliminate Inhabitants
PORT RICHEY, FL – Pasco county lawmakers were shocked to learn that dissolving the city of Port Richey will not also dissolve the people currently […]
Hudson Winn-Dixie Offering Free, Self-Serve Hepatitis-A Immunizations in Restrooms
HUDSON, FL – Winn-Dixie’s popularity is spreading wildly in the area due to a new, unique offering. The Hudson location is now offering free Hepatitis-A […]
Publix Asks People to Stop Planking on Floors After Multiple Injuries Reported
NEW PORT RICHEY, FL – Publix – where planking is a problem. On Wednesday, Publix posted a polite plea for prospective planksters to postpone their […]
Bracing for Dorian, Floridians Panic as Publix Announces Stores ‘Completely Out’ of Pub Subs
NEW PORT RICHEY, FL – What started off as slight fear of a foreboding Hurricane has evolved into sheer panic for Floridians as Publix announced […]