NEW PORT RICHEY, FL –
Students at Gulf High School are taking the high ground on climate change.
According to reports, decades of haphazard truancy and drug use from students at the school can be explained by their environmental zeal.
Although practically everyone in Pasco has previously assumed that a significant portion of Gulf High students are simply traunt druggies, the humble and heroic true nature of the students’ actions are just now being lit up.
The revelation came after one student, who was reportedly found stoned out of his mind at Sims Park, explained his condition to a New Port Richey police officer. Upon questioning, the teen explained that he was lying down on the grass, smoking pot during school hours, “to fight climate change”. The teen further explained that he got the idea after seeing “some angry dutch girl” yelling at people about climate change on the internet.
The New Port Richey Police deputy was so inspired by the boy’s activism that rather than detaining him for his truancy or his large collection of drug paraphernalia, he instead posted a selfie with the severely stoned student along with the caption, “So inspired by today’s youth taking a stand for what they believe in. #ClimateStrike”. The photo depicts the smiling deputy with an arm around the shoulder of the activist-teen, who is looking off in the distance with glazed-over, inspirational eyes.
After news of the teen’s courage broke, current and former Gulf High students began revealing that their drug-use, too, was also in protest to climate change. In fact, the Gulf High School Alumni Association released a statement claiming that students at Gulf High have been protesting climate change by committing crimes for decades.
Yes, it’s true that a huge amount of Gulf High students, present and former, have become known for smoking and selling dope, skipping class, and a variety of other crimes. Most people have assumed that this is just because the students of Gulf High make poor life decisions. But in reality, we have simply been doing our part to fight climate change. We were participating in the #ClimateStrike before it was cool.
Faculty at Gulf High praised the students for their brave stance against climate change. Jeff Morgenstein, principal of Gulf High, made the following statement in response to his students’ unparalleled activism.
We couldn’t be more proud of our students for taking such a bold stance. Each class they skip and each doobie they smoke is one step toward a safer planet for them and their children. These courageous students are taking their future into their own hands and meticulously rolling them into joints. Our school color is green for a reason, and we fully support our students in their efforts to make our community and our planet more green.
In response to the revelation, thousands of convicted criminals from the New Port Richey area are appealing their convictions, claiming that their delinquent behavior when they were students was nothing more than rising up to combat global warming.