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Month: July 2017

New York Native’s Whine Cracks Neighbors’ Windows

July 30, 2017 The Pasco Pelican 0

On Friday, New York native and Port Richey resident Michael Rigatoni was going about his business as usual, including whining about Florida, when he unleashed […]

Jack Mariano Gets Bad Case of Tennis Elbow While Standing in Front of Virtual American Flag

July 28, 2017 The Pasco Pelican 0

On Thursday, Jack Mariano developed a bad case of tennis elbow while standing in front of a large virtual American flag. It’s currently unclear how […]

Local Teens Break Into Abandoned Hudson K-Mart; Discover It’s Still Open

July 28, 2017 The Pasco Pelican 0

On Thursday, a group of Pasco teens broke into the abandoned K-Mart off of US-19 in Hudson, only to discover that it is still open. […]

Gus Bilirakis Heard Whispering “My Precious” After Finding Mysterious Ring at Event

July 26, 2017 The Pasco Pelican 0

Concerns are rising after Congressman Gus Bilirakis found a mysterious gold ring at a campaign event on Tuesday. Bystanders say that Bilirakis’ countenance “immediately changed” […]

Friedman : Hudson Flea Market Closure is ‘Beginning of the End’ of US Economy

July 22, 2017 The Pasco Pelican 0

On Friday, world-renowned economist Milton Friedman predicted that the US economy will crash in a matter of months due to the Hudson USA Flea Market […]

Mike Fasano Shows True Humility by Holding Up Giant Donation Check For Picture

July 20, 2017 The Pasco Pelican 0

On Wednesday, Pasco County Tax Collector Mike Fasano put his humble spirit front and center by posing with a giant donation check to the Smile […]

Jack Mariano’s Former Barber Speaks Out For First Time Since Tragic Haircut; Asks for Forgiveness

July 16, 2017 The Pasco Pelican 0

Henrico Valdez, former Port Richey barber, told media outlets Saturday that he is the one responsible for Jack Mariano’s “unfortunate” haircut nearly two decades ago. […]

7-Eleven Offers Free Franchises on 7-11; Most Pasco Residents Choose Slurpees Instead

July 12, 2017 The Pasco Pelican 0

The cost of franchising with 7-Eleven can cost anywhere from $20,000 – $1,000,000, but 7-Eleven was offering them for free on 7-11 to anyone who […]

French Town Disowns Sister-City New Port Richey; Claims No Relation

July 12, 2017 The Pasco Pelican 1

Last Monday, prominent businessman and successful downtown shop owner Bernard Petit-Moreau announced that French town Cavalaire-sur-Mer is cutting all familial ties with its sister-city New […]

Jersey John Takes Landslide Victory in Hudson Mayoral Election

July 11, 2017 The Pasco Pelican 0

On Monday, Hudson voters took to the polls, launching a shocking victory. ‘Jersey John’ is his tag, but his title is now ‘Mayor’. John Kovaleski, […]

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