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Month: October 2017

Desperate New Port Richey Millennial Still Telling Herself She Will Leave Someday

October 31, 2017 The Pasco Pelican 0

Melissa Barnes, 23, of New Port Richey is still reassuring herself that one day she will up and leave town for good. From pipe dreams […]

Entire Mariano Family to Run for Office in 2018

October 30, 2017 The Pasco Pelican 0

First it was Jack, then it was Amber, and now it’s everyone else. On Thursday, undoubtedly truthful sources confirmed that all members of the Mariano […]

Mike Wells Selects Running Mate

October 26, 2017 The Pasco Pelican 0

On Wednesday, Pasco county commissioner Mike Wells Jr. announced that he will be running alongside a creepy looking bunny named Ronnie Darko in his re-election […]

Pasco Criminals Receive Generous Royalties for Live PD Appearances

October 15, 2017 The Pasco Pelican 0

You know the saying “crime doesn’t pay”? Well it turns out that, in Pasco county, it does. If you are a Pasco criminal, considering getting […]

Trump Appoints Ron Oakley as Ambassador to North Korea

October 12, 2017 The Pasco Pelican 0

President Donald Trump has appointed Pasco county commissioner Ron Oakley to be the next ambassador to North Korea. Amid growing tensions between the US and […]

Bilirakis ‘Eternally Grateful’ for Random Dude with Umbrella

October 6, 2017 The Pasco Pelican 0

On Monday, a good Samaritan rushed to Gus Bilirakis’ rescue after he got stuck in the rain. According to first-hand sources, after being brought under […]

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