NEW PORT RICHEY, FL –
On Monday, cameras caught Pasco County Tax Collector Mike Fasano allegedly swiping an entire dinner ham right out of the hands of an elderly citizen who was receiving food from the Ninth Baptist Church of New Port Richey’s food bank. Witnesses say he then threw the dinner ham into the trunk of his getaway vehicle and hurriedly fled the scene.
The victim of the crime, Alfred Hollandaise, described the disturbing incident:
I was just walking to my truck after picking up my weekly dinner ham from the church food bank when this man ran up and took it right out of my hands. He looked like he was out on a mission, and that mission was my ham. And then I thought to myself, ‘I know that face!’ I finally realized it was Dustin Hoffman. As I watched him hurriedly drive away, I wept to myself as my hopes for afternoon salty bliss faded to nothing. Looking back, I still can’t figure out why he did it.
Hollandaise added that while he has not yet decided whether to press charges, he would appreciate for Mike Fasano to return the ham, so long as it has been stored under proper refrigeration since the time of its abduction. Hollandaise also stated that he would also consider restitution in the form of canned hams, given that the net weight of the canned ham was equal to or greater than the net weight of the abducted dinner ham. He stated:
Personally, I’ve always preferred canned ham to refrigerated dinner hams. But since they only offered dinner hams at the church food bank, I had no other option. For this reason, I would be inclined to consider a settlement of canned hams proportional to the weight of my stolen dinner ham.
Hollandaise also requested a 2-liter bottle of Pepsi for pain and suffering. While Mike Fasano couldn’t be reached for comment, his office did state that he does have the authority to confiscate property, even food items, if a citizen has any outstanding property taxes.